Down Down Under the Earth

In the process of remodeling my website, I sorted through some archives. I've been thinking of Athens lately, maybe feeling too fixed in the life I have here in Chicago, which in turn makes me feel a little old and a little sad. I've been graduated for three years this week, which is totally mind-blowing in the way that it feels like so much longer.

My grandma is moving out of her house this weekend -- the house where she lived for 45 years. My dad grew up there, and because my parents were either both working or just generally unavailable and ill-equipped most of the time, I grew up there, too. And without me even getting to say goodbye in person, it's all gone, and not on happy terms. Growing up for me has meant gradually witnessing all the fixtures of my childhood slipping away into the deep and dark distance where I can't get to them. The bank foreclosed on my childhood home right after I graduated high school, and for four years of college I returned to my hometown and slept in a big, cold house that never needed to be home. Right after college my parents were forced to move again. I haven't been back to my hometown many times since. There's no place for my things -- no bedroom and no bed for a bedroom, even. Just random and lost relics of my youth, shoved in crates and boxes and stacked on the front porch.

It seems like we're always trying to go back to the places we've been. It's important to feel like the places are still intact, patiently waiting for us when we're ready to confront them. Maybe we're looking for comfort or resolution. Maybe we always feel estranged from the love we had and the time we let waste away feeling like we had all the time we needed. Or maybe we're always running away to start over and stake our claim on a life that never feels any different.

Update

Six months have come and gone and I thought it might be time to add/subtract material (and reinvigorate) my website. In case you haven't been up-to-date with my blog in the past few months, I added a small edit of photographs taken during my five-week stint as a night-life photographer at Studio Paris in Chicago. Opportunity come and opportunity go. I'm not really sure I've gotten my footing here in the city... and my photography feels a little aimless. Or maybe sparse is a better word. In any case, I will celebrate what I have to show. In the scheme of it, maybe it's more than I think.

Tsubo

I have been getting more and more assignments like this lately... Ryan of Tsubo (a salon located on the near west side). I have been in a bit of a photo funk lately in terms of making photos that really stick with me, but it's always refreshing to meet and photograph friendly creatives like myself, especially when their work spaces consist of soft light and potted plants.

This brings me to...

I updated my portfolio website with some new material, including some more editorial work that I've done for Time Out. The opening gallery is currently a collection of personal portraits... these along with the photographs in the Faraway (So Close) section are the images that really inspire me at the moment. Take some time to visit, and let me know what you think.

Waiting for the Night

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark
Reality

I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still
All that you feel
Is tranquillity

There is a sound in the calm
Someone is coming to harm
I press my hands to my ears
It's easier here just to forget fear

And when I squinted
The world seemed rose-tinted
And angels appeared to descend
To my surprise
With half-closed eyes
Things looked even better
Than when they were open
- Depeche Mode

(archived photo)

With the inspiration of this song and a growing collection of dim little frames that are both old and new, I created a new section of photographs on my website that I hope to populate indefinitely. For now, forgive its sparseness, and listen to some Depeche Mode circa 1990-1997 to get you good and moody.

Final

I realize that nearly everyone has seen all of the photos included in this series thanks to my diligent bloggage, but I think presentation is important, and sequencing these took some time. I wrote a forward that sort of explains, I suppose, my intent... I might have gone too far into it, or maybe I didn't go far enough, but I'll leave you to your own assessments. In any case, I wanted to get it just right, but I am never fully satisfied with my words.

Thanks to e.e. cummings for the inspiration behind the title, the support of my classmates and fellow photographers, and the brave souls who volunteered for this project and made my last quarter of college profoundly meaningful in ways you cannot imagine. I am honored to have witnessed your tears and to have, in the process, shared my own. It was an emotional journey that hopefully reinvents itself in further work I produce. As usual, the success lies not in the images themselves but in the experience.

Will Nature Make a Man of Me Yet?

Three image fashion series for class... and that's about it. I've exhausted my interest in shooting fashion for the time being. That leaves me with a community of criers and their beautiful faces from here on out.

Thanks to Kiel and Jenna for their infinite patience during this shoot while I thought on my feet, fumbling and stumbling through the forest, somehow reminded of/inspired by Morrissey's savvy sav the entire time.

I would go out tonight
But I haven't got a stitch to wear
This man said, "It's gruesome
That someone so handsome should care"

A jumped-up pantry boy
Who never knew his place
He said, "Return the rings"
He knows so much about these things
- The Smiths

Smell the Flowers While You Can

A visual intermission...

Last week, I had to shoot a "fashion" image for a "fragrance" advertisement. I have been pretty out-of-the-loop lately, feeling largely removed from the throng of stylish, good-looking women who politely pose in front of my camera while I snap away. My gaze separates me from my female subjects in a surprising way. The separation is something I've only recently recognized. I can hardly embrace my feminine self, and I'm a little out of touch with any grace I might still have, but I continuously look for it in other people. And so, photographing beautiful people is a funny thing. I think I've totally disassociated lately.

In the end, thanks to Lisa for wandering aimlessly through the trails with me to make this photograph everything that it is.

April Come She Will

For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her

Sometimes when I want an interesting blog title, I just scroll through the song titles in my iTunes until something seems to fit. I scrolled about two seconds before landing on this song from Simon and Garfunkel. For so many reasons, it is perfect.

Thanks to Paul Simon, who keeps making unexpected cameo appearances in my daily life, and thanks to Emily, the model, for being so beautiful and so strong despite her current struggles. So far this quarter, my heart has not fully committed itself to photography. But I'm getting getting getting there. Here is a glimpse of one of my last (but not least) fashion series. On with the show.

And when I awoke
And felt you warm and near
I kissed your honey hair
With my grateful tears
Oh, I love you girl
Oh, I love you

Portrait Project

I took an independent study this quarter to work on a personal project. Basically, I wanted to do strictly portraits as my portfolio is seriously lacking in this field. And I wanted the portraits to be of female students who are involved in creative fields -- some that I know, some that I don't know. I sort of started this project last spring in VICO 324, but I only walked away from that class with a few images that I still like. I am photographing in both digital and film formats... it feels nice to have the freedom to shoot film without the pressure of a deadline looming over my head.

I suppose there is something I want to say about being a young woman in a field that forces out of you a certain amount of personality. I haven't found the words yet. Maybe I can gather my thoughts after all the photos are taken.

Gimme Shelter

These images were shot for a mock-up article in TIME on the housing crisis in America (a class assignment in which students choose an issue, a publication, and a means of illustrating the issue). I had a blast with the shoot, but it was a lot of physical labor carrying household furnishings into fields and in and out of the woods. Luckily, all of the furniture was donated/came from my home, and I had Charles and his mighty manpower to assist me in all the carrying and car loading. My poor little Sundance barely made it to Stroud's Run and back, but that's another story for another day -- and the general theme of my life, don'tcha know.

The tilt-shift lens makes me drool, but the price makes me cry. It is so expensive to be a photographer, and I have been poor my entire life, even more so now that I am trying to maintain a portfolio, promote myself, and look for work in metropolitan areas. I have never been of the impression that the gear makes the photographer, but I am extremely insecure about my financial resources in this field. I look for a light every day, and I hope the gods are kind to me when I leave the ivory tower of Ohio University.

In other news, I need to stop staying up past my bedtime.

Dedicated Follower of Fashion

Three weeks of class have flown by and I don't want to jinx myself, but I am rather pleased with my images thus far. It's so surreal to be a senior... to be in my capstone classes (is that even the proper term?)... and, for once, to actually have some sort of "concrete" vision for how I want my photography to look and feel. The second image was for my self-promo... I designed my own flower packet and put sunflower seeds inside. The front of the packet was the image above. I suppose you can't really get the full effect without holding the promo in your hand, but take my word for it -- it's pretty neat.

Final

I realize I just blogged, but to get the ball rolling, here is one of the six images I created for my final in Portraiture.

The model is Skyla, an artist and a nude model. I will post more from this series later.